This is just a heartfelt post, dedicated to my late grandmother.

Tok, 

You were sleeping there,

Not in your usual position.

And you were smiling, 

I saw you when you were not able to greet my coming.

Though it was kind of too late,

I am glad to see you, my true life support

Who helped me through obstacles in life.

I am now a big boy Tok, but sometimes I need to cry.

How I had missed our moments cooking together,

Went rubber-tapping and walk to the shop like when I was a kid.

I remember when my mum was so mad at me and wanted to cane me 

But you stopped her saying that she should hit you first.

You stood up for me and I was held safe in your hug, 

You're my best friend.

How I am missing that Tok...

Yes, I was not ready to part with you,

The fact that I didn't manage to visit you when you were sick;

That hurts me every time I think about your pain and I was not there.

I was selfish and I blamed myself for that.

You were sick for so long,

and I knew your departure has ended your sufferance.

I knew that Tok, 

But I am mad that I was never told your health was at worse,

It's true, family covered the truth just to make sure the sensitive member of the family unhurt,

Without them realizing that I was hurt even more and blaming myself for that!

But I can't change things, past is past.

You're already gone.

I will be here, reciting Yasin and prayers for you.

That is what I am just capable for.

Now is time to play a role, the tough one,

To pretend that I am okay,

In front of my family and friends.

Rest in peace.

Goodbye Tok. Salam.

I Love You!

Mrs. Che Mah Binti Awang