The Problem Is Me...

Source: Mr. Google Image

Learning Support session is no longer fun for me. I used to wait excitedly for Friday to come and have sessions with my former Learning Support group but that was a couple of semesters back. I was so close to the previous lecturer and regarded her as one of the best mother in my college. We talked a lot and share our views on various issues among ourselves and that was how I improved my speaking skills. Lecturers focus more on writing, reading and listening skills in class whereas speaking skill is always left behind because of time constraint. There is not much time left that we can all speak out about certain issues plus we sometimes feel ashamed to talk in front of twenty people in the class so Learning Support session is the best time to speak out about almost everything.

In my former group, the group members are also open to talk about certain issues such as sex education but in my new group, I cannot start a bridge for myself to discuss that kind of sensitive matter. I can see some efforts made by my new group members to loosen up the taboo but I cannot fit in with them. Sorry guys and girls in my group but I just cannot blend in. I spent more time talking to Diba and Minty Mint asking when they are going to climb the rocks or their shopping date in Brickfields on Saturday (Sorry Diba and Leya, hehehe). I gained not much of  input in our session every week and I need to do something.

Besides, I felt a huge distant from the present Learning Support lecturer. I cannot find the comfortable button to make me feel okay to talk in front of him. It is like I was forced to talk if he is around though he is an excellent lecturer. I am sorry Mr. M****** but seriously I cannot act or talk naturally when I am with you. All these discomforts are caused by my own attitude actually. I will never blame the lecturer involved or my present group members because I should be the one dealing with it.

Maybe I should consult Mr. Manoharan and change my group but maybe it is too late to react since my final exam is just around the corner. I have had this problem since I was kid and it had never helped. My major setback since I started my primary education was I will not going to be comfortable with male teachers and even until now. I prefer female teachers to teach me and now I wonder, will this problem come back to me when I have graduated and start teaching later? I hope that my students will be comfortable having me as their teacher in future and I will try to make things work.

P/S: Sorry if I hurt the people mentioned directly or indirectly in this blog entry. Take care, God bless.