I'm slowly sinking in a vast lake of quick sands,
a bottomless pool.
I wish I could crawl under a rock and sleep forever.
No one understands me.
No one in this house can accept my side of the story.
I can feel God's eyes looking down on me with pity.
I can't never let anyone find out I'm not straight.
It would be so humiliating,
my friends would hate me.
And my family,
I've overheard them.
They've said that they hate gays,
and even God hates gays.
It really scares me when they talk that way
because now they are talking about me.
I don't want to choose sin,
I don't.
I'm so mad and frustrated God.
I seem to be at the end of the road.
Why do you remain silent?
------------
30th May
Had fun. Mum was sweet and funny self, like the old mum. For a second it felt like the old days. She smiled at something I said, and I saw her eyes that for a second she forgot what she really thinks of me. The anger never erupts. My timid nature would never allow a full fledge thunderstorm to occur. But it's there, on the horizon. I can feel God's eyes looking down on me with such pity. He can't help me though, because I've chosen sin over righteousness.
(Prayers for Bobby)
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