I have lost faith in this course, seriously. Lecturers have high expectations on our group since we are representing IPG KBA's standard as the center of excellence for English language among IPGs in Malaysia. Besides, most of my friends are very well exposed with English language and some of them are native speakers while I am just a "kampung" boy from Baling, Kedah who could stumble badly while trying to speak like the British. Now tell me how am I going to keep up with that reputation?
TESL is not a fun and exciting course anymore. I tend to speak in Malay language with my friends and I still read news in Malay language. Oh God, why is it so challenging to be in Malaysia? My seniors are having the best time improving their English language proficiency in United Kingdom now, while I am stranded in this land where the citizens will mock English language users as the group of people trying to show off their ability.
I love English language, and I love teaching too but I never thought that it could come with so many obstacles and challenges. I know I am bad, for demanding too much about this course. I know that I have been complaining about the opportunity Allah has given me but...why is it so hard? TESL should be a fun subject, it should involve lots of communication between the lecturers and learners and not necessarily essays to improve everything. I need an environment that would help me to use and abuse the language fully, not only in classes. My seniors in previous cohorts are so lucky, please be excellent teachers one day okay?
Then, what happened to the dream of learning TESL as a medium to brush up my proficiency so that I can be an excellent TV presenter for international media one day? I guess that dream is not going to be happening any time soon, even when I know that I should be broadcasting for my own TV shows in 8 years time. I should be standing under the limelight, in front of the camera, sitting before the audience and microphone in my hand but that seems to be so hard to achieve.
Maybe I should stop writing this piece of shit and resume the pending assignment. People might get hurt with the words written in this crappy rubbish but I still want to post it here as I need to improve my language right? No hard feelings seniors, I am a bit drunk with too much of paraphrasing the article, summary and essay. I am thankful for what I have now but I am too tired, sorry once again.