Past is Past

 

 

"Sadness will never leave your bed if you are not ready to let go of it".

That is a quote that I have been holding on to until now. I hope that this blog post will help to ease up the sadness that my friends are experiencing.

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"Nak buat macam mana, kita pun nak teruskan hidup".

That was my last conversation with my auntie that I call Mok Su, few days after her husband passed away. She called me and said that she will be moving to Kuala Lumpur the week after, and start her life from the very beginning, again.

She was a widow with two daughters when she married my late uncle, Kamarul Arifin Bin Ismail. I did not know how they met and my family did not even go to their wedding because my parents did not get the leave. My mother was very happy that finally her younger brother, the youngest in the family finally managed to get married. I met them in KL a year later during my cousin's wedding and I could tell myself that Mok Su Umi is a very strong person. My late uncle...he was very close to her two step-daughters, Syazwani and Anggun with no prejudice. 

The family moved to Kelantan, his hometown two years ago because my uncle wanted to start a business there, and my auntie had to be transferred to work in a shopping mall in Kota Bharu. For the two kids, they had to start a new life, with new friends at school and I know how tough it is for them. Whenever I go back to my hometown, I always observe their routine. My uncle will send the kids to school, and he will go to work together with my auntie everyday. In the evening, he will open up his stall which sells noodles and stuff to support the family. I have never been to their stall, so sad but at least Mok Su Umi did cook me her famous "Mee Fulamak".

And then one day, I saw Pok Su was coughing so badly, and I thought it was just a normal sickness. The next day, my mother took him to Hospital Kota Bharu for a check-up and the doctor said things that I do not remember. All I know is that the tissue of his throat was taken for lab test etc. He stayed in the ward for a few days too, but at that time I was in college. 

He undergone a surgery to take out the tumor in his throat and my mother said that it was just as big as a popcorn. And then on one evening in IPG KBA, I received a call from my mother. My uncle passed away in sleep because of the cancer and I was shocked, but I told my mum that I cannot go back to Kelantan as I was preparing something for classes on Monday. My cousin offered me a ride there but I told her the same thing I told my mother.

The next day, during the funeral, my mother called me and said that it was a really gloomy day. I was quite sure that my grandparents would never thought that their youngest son will depart first, as they are over eighty years old already. My mother told me that my auntie was crying, this time it was "cerai mati" for her. And her two daughters were with my mother, Syazwani the eldest were crying too but Anggun were so confused. That was what my mother told me. 

And I texted Mok Su, offering my condolences as I was not sure whether to call or text her. She did not reply me but she called, as I have mentioned above. She said,

"Jangan putus hubungan sudahlah, nanti senang-senang datang umah Mok Su kat Balakong tu".

You know what, there was a sudden rush of sadness in me when I heard her saying that. Luckily I managed to control the emotion, because I did not want her to cry too. She is a tough woman; it is not easy to work in Jusco and raise two kids, alone in that area.

I know that this is such a long and boring blog entry but trust me, all I want to say is that when you think that you can't let go of your loved ones, just remember this story. There are more people suffering from the loss of their loved ones, but they move on because they have to. They have mouths to be fed, and needs to be taken care of. Mourning is allowed, but not too much until you did not live your life. Past is past, all we can do is to live our life out loud. 

P/S: I hope that Allah will bless Mok Su Umi's life after this. Once I go to UPM soon, I can always visit her. Well, this is just a dedication towards life; don't give up hope, move on people! Hope that the message is delivered.

Al-Fatihah to my late uncle.

Image source:

http://echofades.tumblr.com/post/7043670839