She Keeps Me Warm by Mary Lambert
Dear God and readers, I have been wanting to write this confession for a very long time. Please read it with a very open mind and leave me if you think that I am not worthy of a friend. I have kept this for too long that it has started to eat up the very best part of me, my personality. I was born with the very least of masculinity within me; I have been fighting it for too long that I started to become someone else that I truly hate. Ask anyone around me how much I have distanced myself from them just because I was ashamed of my own self? Ask them how many times that I appear snob-b*tch in public just to hide my true personality even though deep inside I am not? Ask them how frequent did I pretended to appear strong and manly while I was suffering on the very shallow part of my soul? I cannot change even if I tried and even if I wanted too but I know that God knows how much have I fought this trait.
So here at MRSM Ulul Albab Kepala Batas Pulau Pinang, I learnt about masculinity in the very subtle of way. My students appreciate me and my lesson when I start to open up a bit about my personality; when I become comfortable with whoever I am and that was the easiest of all obstacles. To finally becoming who you are is a flight risk; it takes the most courageous effort to let my guard down and strip naked in the eyes of the believers. Those students...they made me realized that there is nothing great about yourself than to start becoming your own self. And this is the package that I came with, Mohd Azham Bin Amran and I promise myself to keep living they way that I want it to be. I cannot pretend anymore, it has been 21 years wasted to be this tough guy figure that I am not, and I am done trying, full stop.
P/S: Relieved :)