Thursday, June 30, 2011

Past is Past

“Do you remember Kendra Santoni? The bully who made me her punching bag in elementary school. Remember the day that I came home with that red mark on my neck, and I was afraid to tell mom that Kendra smacked me with a jump rope? And the next day on the playground, you cornered her and you said that if she ever touched me again, you’d make her eat that jump rope. I knew that you had my back. Remember?” 
"Sadness will never leave your bed if you are not ready to let go of it".

That is a quote that I have been holding on to until now. I hope that this blog post will help to ease up the sadness that my friends are experiencing.


"Nak buat macam mana, kita pun nak teruskan hidup".

That was my last conversation with my auntie that I call Mok Su, few days after her husband passed away. She called me and said that she will be moving to Kuala Lumpur the week after, and start her life from the very beginning, again.

She was a widow with two daughters when she married my late uncle, Kamarul Arifin Bin Ismail. I did not know how they met and my family did not even go to their wedding because my parents did not get the leave. My mother was very happy that finally her younger brother, the youngest in the family finally managed to get married. I met them in KL a year later during my cousin's wedding and I could tell myself that Mok Su Umi is a very strong person. My late uncle...he was very close to her two step-daughters, Syazwani and Anggun with no prejudice. 

The family moved to Kelantan, his hometown two years ago because my uncle wanted to start a business there, and my auntie had to be transferred to work in a shopping mall in Kota Bharu. For the two kids, they had to start a new life, with new friends at school and I know how tough it is for them. Whenever I go back to my hometown, I always observe their routine. My uncle will send the kids to school, and he will go to work together with my auntie everyday. In the evening, he will open up his stall which sells noodles and stuff to support the family. I have never been to their stall, so sad but at least Mok Su Umi did cook me her famous "Mee Fulamak".

And then one day, I saw Pok Su was coughing so badly, and I thought it was just a normal sickness. The next day, my mother took him to Hospital Kota Bharu for a check-up and the doctor said things that I do not remember. All I know is that the tissue of his throat was taken for lab test etc. He stayed in the ward for a few days too, but at that time I was in college. 

He undergone a surgery to take out the tumor in his throat and my mother said that it was just as big as a popcorn. And then on one evening in IPG KBA, I received a call from my mother. My uncle passed away in sleep because of the cancer and I was shocked, but I told my mum that I cannot go back to Kelantan as I was preparing something for classes on Monday. My cousin offered me a ride there but I told her the same thing I told my mother.

The next day, during the funeral, my mother called me and said that it was a really gloomy day. I was quite sure that my grandparents would never thought that their youngest son will depart first, as they are over eighty years old already. My mother told me that my auntie was crying, this time it was "cerai mati" for her. And her two daughters were with my mother, Syazwani the eldest were crying too but Anggun were so confused. That was what my mother told me. 

And I texted Mok Su, offering my condolences as I was not sure whether to call or text her. She did not reply me but she called, as I have mentioned above. She said,

"Jangan putus hubungan sudahlah, nanti senang-senang datang umah Mok Su kat Balakong tu".

You know what, there was a sudden rush of sadness in me when I heard her saying that. Luckily I managed to control the emotion, because I did not want her to cry too. She is a tough woman; it is not easy to work in Jusco and raise two kids, alone in that area.

I know that this is such a long and boring blog entry but trust me, all I want to say is that when you think that you can't let go of your loved ones, just remember this story. There are more people suffering from the loss of their loved ones, but they move on because they have to. They have mouths to be fed, and needs to be taken care of. Mourning is allowed, but not too much until you did not live your life. Past is past, all we can do is to live our life out loud. 

P/S: I hope that Allah will bless Mok Su Umi's life after this. Once I go to UPM soon, I can always visit her. Well, this is just a dedication towards life; don't give up hope, move on people! Hope that the message is delivered.

Al-Fatihah to my late uncle.

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Wednesday, June 29, 2011

The Big C-trailer

This is currently my favorite TV show, The Big C. It gives me hope when I think that my life is maybe going to end so soon. I mean, when you know that you are dying, why can't you just make yourself happy? This show taught me about spending more time with my friends and families. Trust me, it works and it is a good time for some memories. The Big C manage to change my perspective of my condition, and I am looking forward to fight all the sicknesses and be the best English language teacher one day, insyaAllah. Ya Allah, please hear me; I really want to become a teacher, so bad. 

Chicken stripper...or a pole dancer?


This GIF image is so funny! Look at how talented the chicken as a pole dancer! Seriously, I can't stop laughing looking at it. I am sure Alexs Nuk will be tempted to challenge the chicken, look for the best dancer people! 

I'm a nerd

I am a nerd; I always comb my hair from left to right and my friends did not really like it. Actually, they hate it but I like it because it is easy to manage my hair especially when I wake up late for classes. And I don't have to apply hair wax or any other product which is actually bad for my hair and scalp. 

Well, I used to have that nerdies spectacles until I accidentally stepped on it; yes that is what nerdies do! And until now people keep on asking about where I got that specs and nerdily I said, Berjaya Times Square. 

And when my mother said no driving for the day, I seriously listened to her. You know when you do things that your parents do not know, then you are just going to get something bad out of it. You know, maybe when you drive the car and suddenly you hit another car and bla...bla...bla...things like that. 

Oh my God, now I realize that I am such a NERD! Luckily there is no mean girls around to trash my confidence into the bin.

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Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Sprain My Wrist

Oh my God, life in Kepala Batas is so boring! (Sorry people from Kepala Batas if you were to read this). I think that I can sprain my wrists writing for too much in my blog. And my parents are out for work today, I have that car but did not plan on going anywhere. Maybe tonight I will head to KFC and grab my dinner after I send my brother for his tuition classes, and alone I will go to Pantai Bersih to observe the people there. Oh my, starting life all over again in Kepala Batas is so hard, I did not manage to make friends yet as my neighbors are mostly school kids! I wish that one day my parents will be transferred back to Baling Kedah so that we can stay at our own house, and have our old friends and neighbors around (not in the same house la).

P/S: Okay fine, there are a lot of people at Pantai Bersih so maybe I will just go to Sungai Petani...Boring boring boring!

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This would be the kind of my reaction once I see the girl I would like to marry; tall and long hair with a great sense of humor. Oh my gosh, what a fetish! No, I am not a pervert but that are just the characters I seek in a girl. And people keep on asking me, why don't I find someone who wears scarfs and I told them that she will wear that once we get married. You know what, just don't worry because I will not get everything in this world, trust me! Been there, experienced that.

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Monday, June 27, 2011

Boring Boring Boring

Oh my God I seriously have nothing to do right now. Everyday after Subuh, I sleep again until 9 o'clock or something. Then I will have my shower, breakfast and read the newspapers. Sometimes my mum will ask me to sweep the porch, living room and vacuum my room and I am glad that I just have to do it sometimes only. I am forbidden to enter the kitchen when my mum is cooking, except when my mum needs someone to peel the onions or this and that. Oh my sister in Uitm Arau, please come back and handle this kitchen!

In the afternoon, I will go online; Facebook-ing, Tumblr-ing, blogging and make thedibalicious annoyed with my wall posts. That also depends on when she has to cook for her family and I will be left alone. Oh my, my life is so boring, trust me. After Asar, I will drive the car or ride the bike and go to places I have never been in Kepala Batas. Yesterday I went to Kuala Muda, a small town that had been hit by tsunami in 2004 and the people there are looking at me like WHAT???

At night, I will watch Buletin Utama which is sickly full of political-based news. Seriously, I want more news that has nothing to do with politics! I am not hoping to be watching more news about tragedies, accidents or crimes in Malaysia but for me that is the whole point of myself getting news. Okay, keep calm Azham, they own that channel so they can do whatever they want.

At ten o'clock, I will prepare myself to sleep. I will turn on the air conditioner, light up the aromatherapy candles and spread roses on my bed. Okay, that is a total lying! Then the routine will start again, the next morning, religiously.

P/S: Why is that GSC Cinema or Grand Cineplex still hasn't called me? Oh please hire Azham Vosovic, he needs money to pay for his life, debts and broadband bills. I can't live my life like this until September, I will be gaining weight trust me! Or maybe I should call the company that offers the job as a clerk? Okay I will try to give them a call them this evening, I will try.

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Sunday, June 26, 2011

Strangers, again.

Today is an ex's birthday, but we are both strangers now. All we got was just a total awkwardness when I wished that ex a Happy Birthday. But it was great, to still keep in touch after everything that we both have been through. Given a second thought, I just don't want to get involved ever again, it hurts so much that it cuts deep inside my heart. Take care ex, I am so much happier now!

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Saturday, June 25, 2011

That Jump

When the edge so high you are standing tall, 
You push yourself back never meant to fall.
A sudden realization that you are young...
A load of relieve you never made that jump.

Don't be stupid, committing suicide will never solve a thing. Even people who has cancer can still survive until now, with support from friends and families. All you need is a blog, iman and remember Allah always.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Mr. Bean


You don't need an I.D if you are Mr Bean, trust me. He made life so easy that I envy you the most; he doesn't have a care in the world except for his teddy and a green Mini. He has a girl friend but I have never seen thier relationship going any further; that is so bad of him for making her a single woman. You see...now you are still alone Mr Bean and I cannot help it; you are a big boy so please just take care of yourself. 

Peer Pressure

Everybody is owning a car now. My BFF's mum said that he will get a car because he managed to get more than 3.50 for his CGPA. My partner-in-crime gets her car today, green in color and it is so beautiful. Oh my, what a great peer pressure! I guess I need to enter more competition with cars as the prizes. Oh Azham, you can do it! Get a car and shut your mouth hehehe.

P/S: Don't worry, I am so happy for my friends that I can't wait to get on their cars one day. And this new Kia Sportage is superb!

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Yang Mana Satu?

Azham Vosovic as Suresh
Nurr Shafik as Layman
Alexs Nuk as Kek
Nateesha as Natrah
Alaina as Mak Siti

A video made for Kemahiran Berfikir assignment, inspired by my favorite TV show, 3R. Enjoy the video people!

Flaws and all

Wouldn't it be great if life could be this easy? You know...when you screw up you can restart everything. Cool huh? Well, I would never repeat my mistakes done in Form 1, and I would never be this person at all. How I wish I could turn back the time and be someone new, maybe someone I am not? You know, I don't have to worry about what is coming when nothing is starting. That is why I wish I did not do that mistake but yeah, at least those sins taught me something. It taught me about being a normal human being who has flaws and all, someone who is not perfect at least.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

I didn't kill the cow

I just don't know what to say...
I didn't kill the cow
But they won't believe me.
I can't even make a burger
Out of it because I don't eat beef.

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Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Anemia, Leptospirosis

Salam guys and girls, how are you? I was away for over a week because I was warded in Hospital Kepala Batas, believe me or not. I was diagnosed to be having anemia, a condition in which my body does not have enough healthy red blood cells. Besides, the doctor also discovered that I have leptospirosis, a bacterial infection that can be found in fresh water that has been contaminated by animal urine. Most people here are familiar with the term "virus kencing tikus" right? It is the same disease, so please be careful.

On my second day there, I received two bags of A-type blood, and the process took me from the afternoon until late night. I have to keep watching the tube to ensure that the blood flows into my body so I cannot sleep at all.

14 June was the day I was admitted to the hospital. The doctor advised me to eat more fruits and vegetables and probably more shell fish for my diet. Clam is good to increase the blood level in my body and I hope it works. 

For leptospirosis, I need to drink a lot of water and take medications on time. When I first arrived in the hospital, the doctor said that my liver was acutely damaged but thankfully to Allah, the doctor managed to treat it on time. Next week I have to go back to the hospital to check the condition of my liver and hopefully it will show more improvement. 

So guys and girls, if you feel exhausted most of the time, chest pain, dizziness, and such, you may happen to be having anemia so please don't hesitate to go and check with the doctor. If you have fever, dry cough, headache, nausea, and muscle pain, please go and see the doctor because that are the symptoms of leptospirosis. For more information on the diseases, please click  http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0002352/ 

I am a bit puzzled here because I did not go to any swimming pool, or waterfall for many months already so how I was infected with leptospirosis huh? The officer from the Health Department said that I maybe was infected in IPBA, probably from the untreated water tank there. So my dear friends in IPBA, please take care of your health. Please report to the warden if you guys and girls have the symptoms so actions can be taken by the administration. 

Saturday, June 11, 2011

The Big C

The Big C is haunting; courage, chances, company, catastrophe, cost, chill, climb, collaborate, catalyst, comprehend, communication, caution, charisma, constituency, combination, cholera, carbohydrate, collision, cast, corrosion, cancer, coax, commodity, collocation, cinematic, coolant, continent, calculation, commander, chief, culinary, calamari, compliment, cemetery, coffin, carnival, calamity, contagious, cruel...

That are all the C-starting word that I can remember now. So let me guess, what is your Big C? Please suggest more C-starting words here and let us figure out.

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Thursday, June 9, 2011

Long hair, tall and a great sense of humor

I am still looking for a girl with long hair, tall and have a great sense of humor. Oh Bloggers, please help to match me up with a girl, probably someone in my age or a bit younger. Actually I have a crush on someone in my college but she is too gorgeous, and comes from a wealthy family too. Gosh, how to start a friendship with her huh?

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As long as you are performing prayer, you are knocking at the door of Allah, and whoever is knocking at the door of Allah, Allah will open it for him.

-Ibn Al-Qayyim

Alhamdulillah, I think that Allah has shown me what pain is when I was so busy enjoying myself all these while. He gives me such an unbearable pain, and now I realize that I need to go back to where I should be. I pray to Allah everyday to cure my sicknesses as I don't want to trouble anyone anymore. And I tell Allah every time in my prayer that I need strength to change myself, and my miserable life. 

Well, somebody told me that the best talk you would have is the talk with Allah, when you perform your prayer and stay on your prayer mat to say a few word because He will be listening. Nevertheless, I have missed that talk for quite a while now, and look at how far I have misled. I really hope that one day I will get to change my everything to be a real Muslim, and a good son as well. 

I am glad that I am having this pain now, because someone else did not. 

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The Same Walking Stick

We walked and we talked
Like there was no tomorrow.
You took the right turn and
I screwed up my life in the left corner.

We were separated by the thin lines,
The road I swear to never drive here again.
You were barely moving when the time got older,
I was there and saw all that happened. 

We were once young, but now look at us!
Nobody cares for whoever we used to be
Because now, we are equally the same.
The same grey hair, the same walking sticks.

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Monday, June 6, 2011


So it has been almost a week, and my food is tasteless due to the antibiotics I am taking. My body feels warm at night and during the day, I will feel extremely cold. My desert after each meal are those pills I get from the sick house; apparently the house is sick too. Sometimes I feel like I am a drug addict you know, considering the types of pills I have to take after each meal but I don't blame anyone, I accept this sickness because I know Allah has a better plan for me in future. 

Okay I am currently sweating a lot right now even though the fan is on! So scary, should I meet any "Tok Bomoh"? Oh yea, I am a bit superstitious when it comes to sickness like this.

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Sunday, June 5, 2011

It's Ok to cry

by The Angel of Secrets

No one really gets it, they just don't understand,
Nothing went the way it should, nothing went like planned.
The path she chose was not the one she should take,
She felt if she did, she wouldn't be real she'd be fake.
She never really felt supported, by her friends and family,
She felt what she saw, only she could see.
They said she was good, good but not great,
She was not fantastic, a perfect piece she could not create.
Yet it did not break her, it only made her strong,
She knows she is right, and she knows they are wrong.
She know this is what fate meant for her to be,
She doesn't really care if others disagree.
She knows she can show herself, knows she can live,
She knows she can take, and she knows she can give.
It's OK to show you're weakness, OK to show you're scar,
It's OK to be different, to be who you are.
She knows she can do this, at least she will try,
Because she knows herself, and that its OK to cry.

I love this poem, seriously. I took it from a lecturer's note in Facebook and decided to share with all of you here. Please, take your time to interpret it.

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Thursday, June 2, 2011


Salam guys and girls, how are you doing lately? I am not doing quite well actually as I am still feeling a bit sick due to the viral fever I am having. It is a very weird kind of fever because it makes me feel so cold at night and after few hours, I will feel extremely warm. I will be sweating until the next morning and it will happen again the next night. Gosh, scary right?

All I can do now is to pray that Allah will let me recover and be healthy as soon as possible. I want to work during this semester break as I need money to pay for some matters I got myself into it. I know it is kind of too late now but I am not going to retreat.

And I realize it now that all we plan will not always go on schedule because Allah has a better plan for us.

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